hi! *lays down* aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i'm FINALLY LIVING IN AUSTRALIA! things are happening slowly but surely. it's a headache to get everything set up and i've never been around the city by myself so uh, i have little to no sense of direction and don't really know how to use trains and such... luckily it's a walk straight down my street to the nearest train station, so that's pretty easy, and there's all sorts of shops everywhere, we don't really have to go far to get what we need. i'm really just concerned about work and income... my father in law promised he would help us renovate this house he was renting out, but all of a sudden it seems like i'm expected to pay for most of the stuff, which makes NO SENSE if i'm paying rent like normal. renovation is an investment and if i'm the one sinking money into the house, then uhhh, i'm not the one who's going to be seeing a return on all that. i cannot afford to be spending money like that ?! i'm trying to get my cats moved over and it costs TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for that, and i'm not even halfway there! now i have to pay renovations out of my own pocket for a house i won't even own?! AGH???!!?!?!?

the travel here was also hellish, i will NEVER travel in america around christmas EVER AGAIN. it wasn't even the amount of people that made it so stressful, the fact that every single public space blasts christmas carols 24/7 was the worst part. even walking around the downtown square right after thanksgiving there were christmas carols. in the ban mi shop there were christmas carols. in the hotel lobby and all throughout the airport - christmas carols! but wait! at the airport, there's also a choir of airport staff performing christmas carols OVER THE ONES PLAYING ON THE LOUDSPEAKER ALREADY. and i was stuck in LAX for TEN HOURS! as soon as we landed in sydney i had a panic attack for no discernable reason and i haven't truly recovered.

im just praying it will be fine... once we get income and medicare and everything sorted out... my wife and i are both out of our meds (gender) (weed) and we have no idea how long it's going to take to get all that sorted, but until then i am in no mental state to be working, and neither is she. i just want to have the freedom to explore the city and hang out with my friends. unfortunately i currently have an unwelcome guest in my home who is breathing down my neck and treating us both like teenagers, and it's making me EXTREMELY on edge. i hope i don't have to stay here much longer, but i hope i can live in this house when it's done because i really like it! it seems to come with a lot of fucking strings attached though. and i definitely don't want to be sinking my money into this place if it's going to keep being like this. it seemed like everyone was going to ignore my mother in law for the most part and let us do our thing, but at the last second she's decided to swoop in and try and control the situation, saying things like how much rent we're going to be paying and yelling at extended family for helping us out. first of all, this is NOT her house; secondly, she doesn't want anything to do with us except to be malicious and controlling; thirdly, she's commanded father in law to stay WITH US until the house is fixed, which NO ONE KNOWS HOW LONG THAT IS GOING TO TAKE! he did not tell us this until after he arrived. most of the stuff is just a waiting game, waiting on quotes for new carpet and tiles and such, we're not even at the stage where we can actually start doing the work. but he's here anyway, because she said so. so uhhhh, no privacy, no meds, no coping mechanisms, no independence yet. IM 23 YEARS OLD i don't need a parent to live with me.

on TOP of that, every time felicity tries to talk to him about her plans, he more or less parrots what her mom would say. "oh there's no jobs in that field" "well it's normal to be tired all the time" "yeah it's normal to have so much trouble in school" NO IT IS NOT?! ?!?! if it were normal then it wouldn't REPEATEDLY BE AN ISSUE and we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. "i have symptoms of adhd and probably an undiagnosed disability" "oh yeah thats normal" WHAT!!!!!!! you've got to be fucking kidding me. as if we haven't spent the last three years away from both our parents' bullshit trying our best to figure ourselves out and just HEAL. now we're right back in the middle of the bullshit like a classic bait and switch. wow a place where we can stay? SIKE not if mother dearest has anything to say about it! she will make it as difficult as possible for us to just fucking exist and the thought of putting all my savings into this house just to have it be unbearable to live in is making me sick to my stomach. my small amount of savings is NOTHING compared to the amount of rent we'd be paying them within just the first year. UGH! i don't know what the fuck is going on but i hope the shit gets sorted FAST because i really truly cannot live like this. we have various appointments over the next two days that should take care of most of our legal stuff, but aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh i just can't bear to have a parent in the house my trauma does not allow it. and the REASON he is here does not help whatsoever.

anyway i asked "where is the bathroom" and everyone looked at me like i'd grown a second head so uh, adapting, going great. i feel like i have the stars and stripes tattooed on my forehead every time i open my mouth. "are you american" Unfortunately.