YES! i emerge from the garbage heap that is my life to give everyone an update on what is UP!

as i mentioned previously i have started a second job! it's been about a month since i actually started working there, the hiring process itself took a month before that x_x and uhhhhh well, i hate it! the clothes are great, the people i work with are great, and that's about it. i hate the schedule, the stupid headset i have to talk on, the customers, and the environment is way overstimulating. super bright colors and lighting, plus the store is always full of people i do not know which give me lots of anxiety. it's different from being behind a counter where i'm doing my job, the customers stay on the other side of the counter and only come get me when they need something. retail is, you are in the crowd with the customers and you have to convince them to buy stuff by psychoanalyzing them based on what they're holding/picking out & their body language, also they all hate you. the only three words you can ever get anyone to say to you are "i'm just looking" when the big boss wants them to tell you literally ANYTHING else, like idk "oh i'm needing some shorts" "i have an interview coming up" "do you have any bralettes" ANYTHING! ANYTHING AT ALL! even if they are actually looking for something they will look at you and say "i'm just looking" UGHGHRHGRUJGRJRDFVM. FUCK i HAAAAAAAAAAATE IT. also everyone always talks in this fucked up corporate language like im never "doing badly" at something, it's always "an opportunity to do better" no shit, thank you madam girlboss, i am fully aware that i'm capable of doing better, just TELL ME HOW I CAN IMPROVE instead of beating around the bush. if i said or did something wack you have to just tell me wtf. i cant deal i desperately need people to be straightforward with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also i'm convinced the dressing room is actually the first circle of hell because you're surrounded by middle to old age white women with no manners, the music is so loud, you cant hear anyone through the door unless theyre yelling at the top of their lungs, and someone is always talking on the headset which is impossible to hear unless you shove the damn thing into your ear.
AND THE MUSIC. UGHHH OH MY GOD THE MUSIC. it's mostly like... hyper specific indie girl breakup songs, or Independent Women songs that are also christian? sometimes they play Yeah! by Usher for .. whatever reason. not that i'm complaining cuz he's there to usher everyone else back to their seats LOL anyway here are some songs that i've heard them play and really, really hated, wow ive never heard anything that sucks more in my entire life. sorry if you go click those and youre like omg what i love that song! hey. Please listen to literally anything else. i promise your life will improve

i have long suspected that im on the autism spectrum and this job has really showed me the limits of my comfort. i NEED a routine, i can't deal with an irregular schedule. i do not have enough social energy or skills to be able to talk to 2390358304 customers per day and try to make judgements about them?! my whole life i have tried my hardest to mind my fucking BUSINESS and i would like to continue doing that, thank you.

sooo yeah as i write this i'm checking the clock because i have to go to work at 5pm, which is exactly when my wife gets off work and i haven't seen her all day, i will not see her until i come home after 9pm. and i HATE IT! i say this jokingly sometimes but capitalism is homophobic i'm becoming more and more sure of it. we talked about this on her break and i think i might put in my two weeks soon, if she is able to get 35-ish hours consistently, because we really do need more work so we can save... it feels like pure shit to get up at 6am and work without seeing my wife until 9pm and i get less than 30 minutes to sit down ALL DAY because in the hour or two between my jobs i'm cleaning the house and eating and getting changed. makes me suicidal and my body is falling apart <3 thank you capitalism! also havent had much time or energy to do anything i enjoy, when im not working i'm smoking way too much weed to calm down about how much i'm working. sorry for being super depressing i just cannot stress enough how much i hate hate hate this job. i had no idea how miserable i could become simply by working too much. crazy how that works

here is Kissy discovering and investigating a rubber band as i unwrapped my new bong (we broke the last one). see ya!