i'm trying to balance all of my hobbies between work and it fucking suuuuucks dude. not to say that i don't enjoy my hobbies but god i hate working, im not even working full time and it still feels like too much!!! i just want to stay home and draw and listen to music all day. i refuse to believe that human beings were meant to "work" in the way corporations want us to. i am just a rat in a cage... pacing around my 3 little rooms at work and thinking about how much i want to draw when i get home... i would love to finish up another background for my website so i can finally MAKE it, and then i come home and do laundry for 3 hours and then its 8pm and i probably look at twitter or something stupid for an hour, and then i go to bed. FML!

in positive news though, i have finished the background for the first page of my site, AND a little welcome graphic, which u can see if u go to my index page (-: i also sat down and sketched out a ref sheet for my new sona! the first huge step to becoming a vtuber! i was kinda wasting my time in vroid, i realized it would actually be much easier for me to draw what i want and use live2d, vroid is not for little creachures it's for anime girls. if you want an anime girl as your vtuber avatar that's fine and i respect your decision, but if i can't have a little cat nose and ears then what is the point of life huh??

i'm really excited for my future! i hope i get to make streaming into an actual job, and i think it would open up enough time for me to work on music, like i have been wanting to do for YEARS now. i am so bad about starting and then abandoning projects so i had a bunch of shitty fruity loops WIPs on my old laptop, and i did not get to transfer any of my files to my new laptop because the part where the power cable plugs in is broken ): so now i have no sample library at all. i installed FL on my new laptop but i haven't opened it yet, idk.. maybe i'm just waiting for inspiration to smack me in the face. that's usually how i am with everything else. i am also trying to learn how to scream, which i have always wanted to do! by that i mean i make weird gurgling noises in my car on the way to work at 6:30am. i guess everyone has to start somewhere, especially if they dont want to fuck up their vocal cords forever, and i want to sing normally too so i can NOT risk it! have to do it the right way! that means i have to train my throat muscles to do it right! my goal is to be able to scream AND sing opera, which i was in training to do before i graduated college. that shit is hard i hate singing in italian all the time lmfao

i have a long way to go with pretty much everything im doing right now so it's easy to feel discouraged, BUT... i also have a long life to live (-: